Monday, August 28, 2017

Airport and Airplane Etiquette: Twenty Tips to Keep You Friendless

Fixed schedules, tight connections, long lines and communal spaces, air travel creates the ideal environment for making friends. If you aren't in it to chat up your neighbor or add a new name to your contact list, try one of these handy tips to lock in your friend-free status.
  1. Bring more luggage than you can carry or baggage too heavy to lift yourself.
  2. Cut in queue.
  3. Berate airport employees or flight attendants when things don't go your way.
  4. Take your time going through security.
  5. Casually stand with your partner or group on the moving walkway.
  6. Talk loudly on your phone.
  7. Let your children run freely through the terminal.
  8. Stand closely behind strangers withdrawing money at bank machines.
  9. Nudge others with your baggage cart and count how many toes and heels you roll over.
  10. If terminal seating is scarce, secure a full row; lie across the seats and sprawl your belongings.
  11. Take pride in being the last person to board the plane keeping it from an on-time departure.
  12. Select a window seat if you have a small bladder.
  13. Bring odorous foods into tight quarters; don't share.
  14. Maintain full control of the shared armrest.
  15. Extend your seat back as far as it can go, especially during the meal service.
  16. While enjoying the in-flight entertainment, push the screen forcefully and frequently.
  17. Don't mind your hygiene; feel free to remove your shoes.
  18. Kick or knee the seat back in front of you.
  19. Sleep with your head on the shoulder of the stranger seated next to you.
  20. Complain about the flight seating, temperature or food selection.
Practiced diligently and consistently, these tips will almost always guarantee you remain friendless, and as a bonus, you may find yourself on the receiving end of a scowl or disparaging remark. And while convenient for airport and plane use, many of these maneuvers can be applied on any form of public transport to ensure those around you are uncomfortable and inconvenienced.

What tips would you add to ensure others' an unpleasant travel experience? Feel free to share your stories.

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